I’m feelin good and I’m breezin,
cheesin, down the streets and —-
my tourists in the back
are resting their feets in—
my pedicab and they might win some treats if—
they get the next question correct—they compete with
each other….
Want some more?
“Are you ready for question number four?”
“Name two of the buildings on U street that have survived the 1968 Riots that took place right after the assassination of MLK!”
—-and suddenly, what I thought was a rude pinch on the buttocks—turned out to be much worse. In fact I would trade 40,734 slimy pinches on the buttocks for what really happened that night any day. Feeling my back pocket which now seemed much looser, I felt that what was there before had suddenly gone missing. My beautiful, sexy, white, IPHONE 4! NOOOOOOOO!!!! The U street thief —the scumbag—Slyly and suavely snagged my cellphone right out of my les pantaloons pocket! I’ll kill im. I’ll pounce him to the ground. I;ll get him and rip his eyes out of his stupid disgrace of a face. My cell phone was gone. Not just any cell phone. The I PHONE, not just any IPHONE. The I phone 4. Not just any I phone 4—-the white one.
I BOOKED IT—- I didn’t even care that I had two ladies sitting in the back. It would take too long to get them off my cab, so I pedaled as fast as I could. “Imma get this mother son of a gun”— This little shit on a road bike was about 1/2 a block ahead of me when I realized he stole my cell phone. I followed his skinny ass from 12th and U NW in and out of allies. 6 blocks, I weaved through—and lost him around the corner so I just kept going. I spotted him across a fence and went parallel to him for one more block. I lost him. My cell phone got stolen. The police came and did a report, told me I was a moron for chasing the mother trucking trigity turonomo—and that he could have hurt me badly if he had a weapon. “What did you expect to do when you got to him?” asked the PO PO. “I was planning on gutting him like they do in the movies!” I said. ….. and thats what I plan on doing- still to this day. So if you’re out there, just know IMMA GETCHYOOO AND YOU:LL BE SORRY.
I must admit, — the manner in which this sly snagger snagged my valuably baby with was unbelievable. So swift, suave, and with such swagger—it was shocking. I thought it was a joke for a split second—- I mean this guy had mastered the art of thieving cell phones.He must do it for a living and FOX FIVE should make a documentary about him. He was like Aladdin except drop Aboo and instead of apples, invision I PHONES as the target for snatching. Anyways…Aladdin. You’re dead meat brother.

Lesson LEARNED: Don’t put your beautiful I PHONE 4 s, or any other valuable belonging in your back pockets—-some hood rats might try and snatch that right quick.


  1. Natalie says:

    I like that aladdin is a really cool person but I can’t believe that you compared the thief to Alladin

  2. Donnie says:

    Shaady, nice meeting you today. Recommend you download a free app–“lookout”. It’s a security tool that can help you find your iPhone or turn on an alarm remotely from your laptop

  3. Lovely phone. We do have the same color of Iphone. I really love apple and all its applications. But I don’t display this much in riding a public buses. I actually don’t have to worry when it’s lost because I installed “Find My IPHONE”- app. You should try this one.

  4. Sammie says:

    Can I post your post to my wordpress blog? I’ll add a one-way link to your forum. That’s one actually nice post.

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