JEFFERSON WAS CRYING TODAY

In today’s entry, you will learn 4 things:
1. A theory on why the Thomas Jefferson Memorial is sinking deeper into the Tidal Basin
2. Why Thomas Jefferson was crying today.
3. Thomas Jefferson and I are old friends. We are also White Rappers.
4. GO GO music was birthed in Washington DC

Today, I was giving a tour to a bunch of cats from Florida. They wanted to see everything… The Capital, the Lincoln, Vietnam War Memorial, Korean War Memorial, WWII, the White House, Washington Monument, the Supreme Court, the Smithsonian Castle… and DONT YOU DARE FORGET—the Martin Luther King Memorial. My buddies and I dropped off the happy families at the last stop–WWII, and after a two hour tour I needed a breather.

I headed in no particular direction until I heard a loud annoying sobbing voice across the water. ‘What the flying fizzie lifting drink is that?’, I thought. I walked by the water on Ohio Drive. It was coming from West Potomac Park—the Thomas Jefferson Memorial…and to my surprise, I saw my favorite president sitting on the steps of his memorial sobbing in tears…

Shaady: YO YO TJ wadddup jigalo?

(At this point in time, a homeless man with 5 large white paint buckets he deemed to be drums magically appeared and started pounding a lovely GO-GO-SWING beat)

TJ: Lody Doddy.
Thanks for comin Shaady.
Seems like you de only one deez days.
WHAtever happened to the EFF- ferson CRAZE?

Shaady: oh so it was you who was cryin
TJ don’t be lyin
I know you tryin
to act hard, but lets be serious.
You look all sad, you used to be cheerious
Sounds to me, that someones a wussy
so tell me, why you actin a pussy

TJ:If it werent for the cherry tree
noBODY would come and visit ME!
so see- miss shaady basically–
AINT NO LOVE NO MO FO ME!
err body visit president LINCOLN
while I stand here, and ma memorial BE SINKIN!
Tourists be flakin, shorties be fakin.
I seem to be lackin in TJ LOVE MAKIN!!

Shaady:
What happened to the ladies that always be flockin
to your door, knockin to get that boat rockin?
legend says women were always talkin
about your Signature John Hancock n
lots of chit chattin about Monticello
African Mistresses comin to say hello—
now, these women we never asked you to court=
but Don’t tell me you stopped paying your child support!!

random valuptuas woman: WHO DAT IS MA BABBY DADDY?

(THE GO GO BEAT STOPPED HERE)

TJ: Shaquisha!

LATER THAT NIGHT: Shaquisha and TJ (my favorite president) held hands and disappeared into somewhere behind the memorial…close to FDR near some Japanese Cherry Trees. I walked back to my pedicab…and I am pretty sure I saw the Memorial rock left and right here and there perhaps even sink further into the Tidal Basin. Perhaps all of TJ boat rocking is the reason why the Island is sinking!

Anyway— from what I got tonight, I figured that TJ’s memorial is actually pretty far from the general center of the city. Lincoln has an advantage over Jefferson because all the famous events happened at the Lincoln, it is centrally located, closer to the White House, and much better looking. I also came to the conclusion that Jefferson really is jealous of Lincoln. TJ is starved of attention, and as DESTINATION DC PEDICAB TOURS SUPER HERO THAT I AM, it is my JOB to change that.

Thanks for listening.

For your entertainment, click on the underlined link below to see a tour where I speak in Persian about TJ and Lincoln.

JEALOUS JEFFERSO