WARNER THEATER— ‘FREVIEW’- TEAM TEHRAN & EXCLUSIVELY ENTERTAINMENT’s EVENT OCT 8

While Iranian cool cats will always call themselves “Persian”, everyone and there madar-pedar will continue to attempt admittance to Exclusively Entertainment’s highly anticipated events.  The antsy party goers inch their way closer and closer to the bouncer who may or may not grant admission.  He warns everyone that “IF YOU DON’T GET THE EFF BACK, NOBODY’s GETTIN IN!” Now this must be the best people watching outside of a club I ever seen. When one territorial persian lion challenges another even more territorial lion in a pride of persians, to a mortal kombat, both smart ones (not the diet food) get banned by the bouncer yet  mysteriously find their way back in using the other ‘secret’ entrance!!  VoW! Des Ez ant ter rest tanG!

Best of all— these parties will always have an  array of beautiful exotic eye candy ready to dance with colorful  ‘mashallah-be-tou’–eye opening-kid friendly-attire,  brought to you in part by GUCCI-UCCI-LOUIS-OUIS-FENDI-ENDI-PRADA-ADA’s supporters.  Thankfully, Exclusively Entertainment brought just that and more on Saturday night October 8, at Warner Theaters luxurious E street establishment. The University of Maryland’s ISF President himself who guest starred that night at the event soberly quoted, “and be khoda—I have never seen so many beautiful women in one room”.

No matter what goes down at an Exclusively Entertainment  party, it is always packed. Bodies brushing bodies, sleek sweat (the sexy kind you know?), Aqua-Di-GEO showers, hair spray explosions, and classy attire fill the scene as the persian pride plans to pounce on its prey.  Ladies, these are the type of tall dark and handsome men that would most probably be on the A list to take home to mom and dad. In fact we, the sheers of the Jungle, the top of the food chain, the single most successful Arians of America–as supporters of Exclusively Entertainment will always attend these events. I personally will never stop going, because I need to  see fabulous and be seen fabulous–incase anyone doesn’t know I am the  ozv of the very exclusive VERY VIP persian partnership. Also—-and—um—-if Farbod’s going well hot diggity damn, I’m his sister so you bet your kooneh goshad I’ll be there too!

James, the new white roommate however, was not part of the pride quite yet. Therefore he did not have a thorough understanding of the Persian night club culture. He stood outside of Warner Theater waiting to get into the party for 1 hour and 45 minutes! With his tongue out and his googly eyes set on  Taraneh, Nafiseh, and Samineh Khosravian—he imagined their lives together because its normal for men to have three wives in the middle east right? At 1AM , him and his non-persian friend decided to go to somewhere they could actually be admitted into, perhaps somewhere not as exclusive.

After being told that this venue had reached capacity and nobody could enter, was James upset about his rejection to the Exclusively Entertainment Event? NO! Surprisingly and absolutely not. Instead, he was still stunned, like a deer in  head lights,  wooed by the women he wished he would speak with-hoped he would sleep with- dreamed he could skeet with—–as his exotic Iranian wife of course! Outside of the Warner theater, James had the  the most influential ‘people watching’ experience of his adult life. Ironically, just being outside of the exclusive establishment was an experience James would never forget!

Why didn’t he get in? It doesn’t matter. This is called Exclusively Entertainment, isn’t it? Not everybody is going to get in, unless you have a special stampation skill set that can only be the result of training by Frank Abignail himself (see movie ‘Catch Me if You Can’ with Leonardo DiCaprio to understand reference).

How did 5,555 5 and 1/8 persian people from the metropolitan area know to come to this Warner Theater Rooftop event in the first place? Well, how could we not? With wicked glow in the dark themes and a beautiful venue in a newer place not all of us have been to, how could we possibly pass that up? The marketing tactics of these Washingtonian Wizards are persuasive, personable, funny,  and ALL OVER FACEBOOK! Tehran So Parvaz Vs Iman Huschmand’s ‘Designs brought to you in part by Paintbrush from Windows 95’ will repeatedly come up with more hilarious facebook ads that catch our attention. And-since we are ‘Persian’…. we will always keep going to them. At least until we graduate from  khastegaring through the club scene to khastegaring outside of the club scene— (average age of 35). Besides, who doesn’t like hot blonds that wear florescent bikini outfits while handing  out glow in the dark accessories? I am only friends with hot girls, if you didn’t know that from before.

Some tips for going to these parties? Do the anti-persian thing to do and go early to assure your admission. Another tip- bring ear plugs incase you are not a fan of the Madly-Murderous-from MO CO himself….spittin the illest of rhymes, ridiculousest of raps- the awesome Arab arangatang that randomly debuted his entire Thug Life growing up in Montgomery County Album on the stairs of the theater. Since I was going to what I thought was a persian party, his guest star appearance surprised me…. wah! No persian music? On the brighter side of things, I was told through the grapevine, that all who attended would be featured in his 4th Grammy Award Nominated MTV Music VIDEO, “MO CO THUG LIFE” Hey, we all have a little hip hop in us, right? Isn’t it every Persian-girl-who-secretly-dates-black-guys dream to be with a hip hop artist—or simply Tehran? Exclusively Entertainment made it easy for all of us this time, no need to travel to Baltimore, the Park, or the out skirts of Souf East DC. The hip hop was brought right into our Warner Theater Living Room. Granted… all jokes aside… the artists came out to do what they do best and expose us to new beats we haven’t already heard, so AMEN BROTHAS AND SISTAS! Don’t forget this weekend is the Dedication for the Martin Luther King Memorial! Tanks God For Dat!

 

Comments

42 Responses to “WARNER THEATER— ‘FREVIEW’- TEAM TEHRAN & EXCLUSIVELY ENTERTAINMENT’s EVENT OCT 8”
  1. Lina says:

    god i love you. i read your blog. 🙂

  2. Mehdi says:

    Hilariously awesome

  3. Tehran says:

    I thought this was creative and funny and AWESOME! I love your perspective. Some oversights on your part. A. I use 1995 edition of Adobe Photoshop thank you very much. B. This event is brought to you by Team Tehran & Exclusively Entertainment (not just EE so obviously my promotion tactic wasnt as informative as it was persuasive.) C. There were enough hot blondes that you cant really say it was a “Persian Party” its not our fault the popular kids and really hot girls in DC happen to all be Persian. D. Its not just Persian girls who wanna sleep with blacks guys who want to sleep with me…also white girls who wanna sleep with black guys, spanish girls who wanna sleep with black guys, 1/2asian 1/2white girls with pretty tan faces and gorgeous long legs who do model shoots for glamour who wanna sleep with black guys…JEEEEEEEEEEEEZ =)

    ps. Cant say we dont know how to throw a party =)

  4. DestinationDC says:

    OH MY GOD TEHRANNNNNN I LOVED YOUR COMMENT THIS WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY MORNING….

  5. Farbod says:

    Shaad, Excellent review. When did you become so eloquent? Another oversight I’d like to add to Tehran’s list (though you briefly touched on one of the reasons it hit capacity so early):
    “Also—-and—um—-if Farbod’s going well by golly hot diggity damn, I’m his sister so you bet your kooneh goshad I’ll be there too!” In reality, my presence at this party was not only the main reason for your presence but also the impetus for the sell out crowd.
    Take note, the only time I go out to party anymore is if there is an EE event, but don’t mistake this causation with correlation. The fact is not that I go to these parties because they’re the best; these parties are the best because I go.

  6. Iman says:

    I’m still trying to find the promotional material in which we publicized this as a Persian Party.

    Question: If me and Tehran were the VJ’s on 99.5, would you expect persian music to be played just cuz we’re Persian? Should no Iranian actor be able to act and speak english in an American movie? Does Maz Jobrani have to make a Persian joke every time he is on Jay Leno?

    Point is, if our event was advertised as a Persian Party, your review and opinion would be 100% warranted. But it wasn’t.

    If you would like to give a review on a Persian party, I would like to recommend AMAZING events organized by our good friends at http://www.RADIOJAVAN.com!

  7. DestinationDC says:

    dude. DUDES and DUDETTES. VIY. if you pay attention to any of my wording… i took any point that could have been VERY NEGAtiVE & remotely negative about this party and i made a positive point. I did poke fun yes. there are some fun insults that we make about ourselves all the time… this is an accurate and over eggs sagga rage did depiction of the event. it is not meant to eff you over iman. its meant to make you laugh at yourself. personally…. i laughed throughout the entire time. ok. this wasnt a persian event? cool thats fine. khakh bar saram. khoda mano bokosheh. ke goftam persianeh. or that it is a persian event. 90 percent of the people attending were persian. so i though that it was a persian party digeh. i guess i was dazed an confuzed. anyway… ill change the title…. the only person that is allowed to be upset with this “FRIEVEW” of a review… is NE MEANS because in this i revealed his secret soul animal that he probably didn’t want anyone to know— as an arrangutang… and maybe he didn’t like that… and NE MEANs i personally apologize. however, I have revealed time and again that I am a lioness on a good day, a cat on a bad day and a dolphin on the regular… so I don’t think it’s something to be ashamed of…. everyone has a secret soul animal that they are… perhaps you havent discovered this yet?

  8. Farbod says:

    i have to qualify my last comment. while i often sell out smaller venues like lima or other RJ parties with fly persian mommies, I must say that at least 40% of this crowd was not my responsibility. In fact, 40% of the crowd was not even Persian including most of the performers and sexy dancers. So a big oversight on your part was calling this a Persian Party Review when in reality it was a very international.
    Additionally, I sensed some sarcasm in the downplaying street cred you give MO CO. We grew up in Montgomery Ghettos and went to watkins mill. You seen the fights i had in the hood and outside of dennys (usually for you)… If I wasnt an IT consultant I think i have the street cred to be a rapper.
    Consult w me next time your reviewing something that i know about/anything…. G-burg what up?!

  9. Farbod says:

    shaady is a yellow stray Cheshire cat fish

  10. DestinationDC says:

    bod-that made me cackle… anyway… hey. I know everything I said sounds sarcastic. but it isnt. I really actually mean everything I say in there. so…. take it with a grain of salt. its a review. turned freview …. reformatted to appease the emotional distress caused in part by my frivolous thoughts towards parties that I enjoy attending and will continue to attend no matter what I think about them. say about them… i love the jigar tala out of EVERYTHING that is persian, made by Persians, produced by persians, run by persians, rapped by persians, tapped by persians…slapped by persians even handi CAPPED by persians- ridiculous, radicle, unreasonable, and random.. THUG LIFE INCLUDED….

  11. Nana says:

    Wow…I had a feeling that was George rapping. We’re all from the same area….Also, MOST of the people at that part, and i wasn’t there, are probably persians…Just saying…

    The conversation back and forth between Shaady and Farbod is umm … hilarious… Thank you for entertaining me thoroughly…

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