OUR PEDICAB PERFORMANCE REVIEWS- LIVING LIKE ROCK STARS


In the conventional working world where federal government lemming employees work 9-5 jobs— you get performance reviews and annual evaluations. In the pedicab world, we all want to ask each other the same question. It’s our way of comparing ourselves, judging our productivity, a performance review of sorts.  Although this question is on the minds of many pedicabbers, many don’t ask, don’t tell—– “how much did you make today?” “— we all want to  know how much our co-workers have made—but we can’t. It’s not good.  Ones earnings of the day of a pedicabber or salary is a portrayal of skill, quadricep turbo power, sales ability, approachability, and hustle/bustle.  Who keeps on going and going? Who broke $$$ bucks by four o clock? We usually don’t make that much btw….

The pedicab world is full of interesting characters, extreme in one way or another— We pass each other in the streets and ring our bell, acknowledging one’s presence, respectfully. Today, my fellow pedicabing friends’ faces are either smiling (because of the large lump of cash in their pocket), or sweating driplets of sweat droplets dribbling trickles while smiling. Although we are all secretly exhausted inside, we are still on a runners high of the Martin Luther King rush. Almost all of us made between $$$-$$$ dollars today. Personally, I made money on the lower side of this spectrum and I was wondering why. I used to be a much better pedicaber I thought, or maybe I was just more money hungry, or competitive.  When everyone else was making double what I was making, I was thinking “man…I used to be the girl that made the most money out of all the pedicabbers”…. and now I’m not. I must admit, I was not resentful by any means, and I wouldn’t go as far as saying I was jealous—but I was thinking… well something must be wrong with me. I always need to be the best—or best in my class. I remind myself that its not about quantity— its about quality. Although the highest paid pedicaber-Turkish Legend, Millionaire Murat probably made $$$$ dollars today—, I made less than half that—in one Sunday. While most people are going back to work tomorrow because it’s Monday (Wompidy womp womp womp), I will be chillin out maxin, relaxin, all coool, and all shootin some BBALL outside of the school—We bust our butts you see—us pedicabbers. We make a killing, Robertly rob the mall  to travel to some South African Country, do our thing, have it made like Madelin& Franz in New Orleans to pedicab for a  couple of months, Bryantly bike across the entire country, make our own schedule, and because we can—most importantly— we live like ROCKSTARS.

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BEST PEDICAB VIDEO EVER

TOP 30 THINGS TO DO IN DC

On the National Mall

take a pic in front of the white house and be like "BEEN DUR DONE DAT"

1. See the original Spirit of St. Louis airplane that Charles Lindbergh flew from New York to Paris in 1927, and then learn how things fly at the National Air and Space Museum.—one of the most visited museums on the mall—thank you very much.

2. Watch films of flying saucers at the National Archives. (The films were used in Congressional hearings in the 1950s when people we’re convinced that aliens had invaded the country.) go into a dark room where the mmost important documents of Amuuuurika are… yowzaaa

Go to the drum circle and watch the coolest ish youll ever see!

3. Gross out your friends at the Natural History Museum’s Insect Zoo. Note: Tarantula feedings are Tuesday through Friday at 10:30, 11:30, and 1:30; Saturday and Sunday at 11:30, 12:30, and 1:30. ewwwwwwwwwsss

4. Enjoy the National Gallery of Art’s sculpture garden with a fun seasonal experience with JAZZ IN THE GARDEN….woooo. In winter, twirl around the ice-skating rink. In summer, enjoy exploring with some phenomenal gelato from the cafeteria between the building’s two wings.

check our dorothy's red ruby slippers at the natural history museum... these are actually my slippers... so HA

5. Check out the latest addition to the thriving D.C. museum scene at the Newseum. Opened in 2008, this institution includes many interactive exhibits dedicated to the global history of news.see the dc sniper exhibit.

Dip your feet in the sculpture garden as you listen to jazzz. yay

6. Taste North, South, and Central American cuisine at the National Museum of the American Indian’s Mitsitam Café. its kind of expensive —-actually this shouldn’t be number 6…i take it back.

Check out the loud, cray cray sea lions!

7. Check out the sometimes offbeat portraits of 20th-century Americans (Warhol’s Marilyn Monroe prints, a Time magazine cover of Madonna) on the third floor of the National Portrait Gallery. super sexy. tres tres shee she whooo whooo

8. Pose next to sculptures by Rodin and Henry Moore in the Hirshhorn Sculpture Garden and then

stare at a pedicabber's big boooty---

venture inside to see one of the world’s great collections of modern art.

9. Learn how to make money — literally — at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing, where paper money has been printed since 1914. get a sample of a million dollar bill! ha ha

go to the strip of bars in adams morgan or georgetown and have a contest. "who can count the most cock roaches...." whoever finds the most doesn't have to eat one!!! EWWWWES

10. Follow the lives of those who lived and died in Nazi Germany at the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. nice and depressing the way we like it.

Around Town

cross the key bridge from M street into Arlington via Key bridge. pass the francis scott key memorial and kiss your mummy on the chick. mwahahahhahah (if you are with your mummy and not your hubby)

11. See giant pandas, elephants, and lions (and sloth bears and giant salamanders) at the National Zoo.Dep catch the sea lions… they are so scary loud and cray cray….

go to the zoo and eat some panda poop MWHAHAHHAH

12. Top everything and anything with chili at Ben’s Chili Bowl, a U Street institution since 1958. and look at the cool murals….they are amazing, colorful, and cool.

make a really silly hair do and start asking locals for directions to the nearest hair salon in Georgetown

13. You have to plan weeks or months in advance, and you’re only allowed into eight of the 132 rooms, but there’s no denying the kick of touring the White House…..

14. Watch congressmen and women debate, insult, and wrangle their way through the job of making laws in the Capitol. Start your explorations at the Capitol Visitor Center, a massive underground facility that debuted in 2008.

C-A-P-S caps caps caps!!! go to a game at the verizon center....and paint your face red!

15. Pick up organic fruit and eclectic local crafts at the Eastern Market, which was restored to its Victorian splendor after a devastating 2007 fire.

CHANGE YOUR NATITUDE and... go to a nats game... (BASEBALL)

16. Order a pint and listen in as Congressional staffers gripe about their famous bosses at the Hawk & Dove, the quintessential D.C. bar.

check out the lincoln tower of books thats 4 stories high at the peterson house ---across the street from Ford's Theater

17. Take a break from debate to contemplate the Gutenberg Bible, the lavishly sculpted Great Hall, and the splendor of the gilded Main Reading Room at the Library of Congress.

18. Indulge your inner James Bond with a look at 007’s Aston Martin from Goldfinger, along with more serious toys used by the CIA, FBI, and KGB at the International Spy Museum. 20 dollar cover.

19. Complete your Jackie O look at Nana, a D.C. favorite for its stock of new and vintage

play jenga by the washington monument and compare the two structures---(they both a free standing structures with no mortor),---which one will fall first???

women’s clothes, handmade jewelry, and cool handbags.

20. Take in the scene at Dupont Circle, where artists, power-lunchers, chess players, and Olympic-caliber bike messengers abound.

post really sexily and deppressingly in front of the FDR memorial---in the bread line..... wah wah wah wah

21. Scope out the art scene on the first Friday of every month, when Dupont Circle’s art spaces are open late and score complimentary wine as a bonus.

22. Eat with your hands at Etete (1942 9th St. NW), the best of the city’s Ethiopian restaurants.

check out gay town ---dupont area--17th street between R and P... get hit on by some sexy dudes....

23. View the heavens through one of the world’s most powerful telescopes at the U.S. Naval Observatory.

rent a capital bike share yo... and take it to eastern market. get drank. smoke bacon, and have a ball baby

24. Wrinkle your nose at the Corpse Flower, explore the jungle, gawk at the orchids, or stroll the paths at the new National Garden at the United States Botanic Garden.

25. GO On a Pedicab Wine Tasting Tour—-with us!

call 2026563593 and place an order for the coolest shirt youll ever have.... "my BABY DADDY---Thomas Jefferson" ha ha arent i funny????

26. Go to the top of the W hotel and have an appetizer. Feel so sheee shee. Feel so whoo whoo.

27. Go up the Old Post office Pavilion elevator. Take pics, and then upload to your facebook wall….omg.

BE INVISIBLE!!! roam aimlessly through the metro lines--play a game of sweet and sour ----make note how no one makes eye contact, says hi, or acknowledges your existence ---its worse than NY... ha ha...

28. rent a capital bike share and take matters into your own hands. Mount vernon trail is super awesome amazing omg.

29. Stroll around U street–check out the lincoln theater, lees flower shop, bens chili bowl, murals, paintings, jazz clubs, Bohemian Tavern, and “BLACK BROADWAY”.

ooo la la... look at these sexy babes... going on a pedicab tour... tipsy----loving it.

30. On Sunday night from 8-11 go to Vino Teca on 11th and U street…for live flamenco dancing and live flamenco music—-awesome….intimate….Ricardo and friends are the best.

Too Pretty to Pedicab?

   Whether you like to say it out loud or not, there is a definite pedicab stigma. People are constantly coming up to us girl pedicabbers and saying “You are way too beautiful to be doing that!”…and it bothers me. Ok. So since I’m pretty what should I be doing? Should I be a prostitute? A super model? A pretty Persian girl on Shahs of Sunset that chills and does nothing but uses daddy’s credit cards for Fendi, Prada, and Gucci? Well somebody has to pay for my Gucci obsession and it sure is’t going to be mom or dad. Would it make people happier if I wasn’t doing this? Maybe if I was uglier it would be more ok in society to drive a pedicab.

One time an Indian family came up to another pedicabber and requested a tour. Sean, who was in line at the Air and Space said—‘sure—but Shaad’s up so she can take you guys. She gives a mean tour!’ This dude stopped dumbfounded. Jaw dropped hit the floor. And boom. “But she is a vooman! She cannot take us! Absolutely not”—“no trust me—shes stronger than I am—she can take you guys better than I could….” And so I assured them a few times and after 3 minutes of back and forth they finally got on. This mother father jumped off m pedicab about 3 times when I got to lights and wanted to push behind me beause he didn;’t think I’d be able to do it. I basically told him “If you get out of my cab one more time to push I’m going to push you off my cab and steal your kids! Stop doing that —I assure you I am  wo MAN enough to do it. Now- FINALLY when he learned my story—and why I actually pedicabbed around like this he stopped his shovenistic behavior and gave into my super hero powers….and we had fun.

 

Heres one more thing I have to say—- I will NEVER stop pedicabbing ok? NEVER. Even if I’m a million billionaire. Maybe if my husband didn’t ike it for certain reasons I’d reason with him—BUT….. I’m just saying I will never stop. Its not for the money. It saved my life, my leg, my muscles, my mental state—made me stronger, and happier. If  I believe that pedicabbing was the reason I was able to live without furthering treatment, and extra surgeries—- why would I ever stop? That would be ridiculous.

So please—if you see a pedicabber out there and you are wondering why he/she is doing this job—- know that everyone has their reasons. Everybody has a different reason whether it be …. To make fast money, to enjoy the weather, because if they continued their office job—they would commit suicide……. Or…….to have flexibility, to do what I want, to travel during the year and work for a couple of months, or to be able to finance their theater career—we are all different. Some do it to lose weight, to get in shape, to get through college, to get healthy, to find an alternative to going out clubbing and getting wasted—- to get paid to exercise, or because gym memberships are too expensive in dc. Some do it simply because they graduated from Corcoran with 3 art degrees and are very liberal artsy fartsy and prefer to make money this way—- Some just do it simply to live like a rock star. Most of us graduated from a four year university—we are educated—we know more about the city than most, we know whats going on, where to go, what is good—and we love sharing it with you. So know that no one is too anything… to be a pedicabber.

 

 

 

U STREET STREET RATS- present day ALADDIN-SLY CELL PHONE SNAGGER

I’m feelin good and I’m breezin,
cheesin, down the streets and —-
my tourists in the back
are resting their feets in—
my pedicab and they might win some treats if—
they get the next question correct—they compete with
each other….
Want some more?
“Are you ready for question number four?”
—yes WE ARE!!! WOOOT WOOOT!
“Name two of the buildings on U street that have survived the 1968 Riots that took place right after the assassination of MLK!”
—-and suddenly, what I thought was a rude pinch on the buttocks—turned out to be much worse. In fact I would trade 40,734 slimy pinches on the buttocks for what really happened that night any day. Feeling my back pocket which now seemed much looser, I felt that what was there before had suddenly gone missing. My beautiful, sexy, white, IPHONE 4! NOOOOOOOO!!!! The U street thief —the scumbag—Slyly and suavely snagged my cellphone right out of my les pantaloons pocket! I’ll kill im. I’ll pounce him to the ground. I;ll get him and rip his eyes out of his stupid disgrace of a face. My cell phone was gone. Not just any cell phone. The I PHONE, not just any IPHONE. The I phone 4. Not just any I phone 4—-the white one.
I BOOKED IT—- I didn’t even care that I had two ladies sitting in the back. It would take too long to get them off my cab, so I pedaled as fast as I could. “Imma get this mother son of a gun”— This little shit on a road bike was about 1/2 a block ahead of me when I realized he stole my cell phone. I followed his skinny ass from 12th and U NW in and out of allies. 6 blocks, I weaved through—and lost him around the corner so I just kept going. I spotted him across a fence and went parallel to him for one more block. I lost him. My cell phone got stolen. The police came and did a report, told me I was a moron for chasing the mother trucking trigity turonomo—and that he could have hurt me badly if he had a weapon. “What did you expect to do when you got to him?” asked the PO PO. “I was planning on gutting him like they do in the movies!” I said. ….. and thats what I plan on doing- still to this day. So if you’re out there, just know IMMA GETCHYOOO AND YOU:LL BE SORRY.
I must admit, — the manner in which this sly snagger snagged my valuably baby with was unbelievable. So swift, suave, and with such swagger—it was shocking. I thought it was a joke for a split second—- I mean this guy had mastered the art of thieving cell phones.He must do it for a living and FOX FIVE should make a documentary about him. He was like Aladdin except drop Aboo and instead of apples, invision I PHONES as the target for snatching. Anyways…Aladdin. You’re dead meat brother.

Lesson LEARNED: Don’t put your beautiful I PHONE 4 s, or any other valuable belonging in your back pockets—-some hood rats might try and snatch that right quick.

BUSINESS ERECTION— for PEDICABATOLOGY

IF ANYBODY in this world is going to start a CASH PEDICAB SHOW, its me baby. That is my trish right there.

In Fact, I went on godaddy.com and I found a list of all the names of businesses I want and I purchased all of them. MWHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH

Man, I have so many business Ideas….they’re all like “pick me, NO PICK ME, HEy! I’m the best. No I’m more Lucrative” and I tell them all… listen friends, I need to swim my laps right now… can you please chill out for the time that I’d like to at least meditate? I mean really. Business ideas need to calm down and give me some alone time—because its all I think about. I get really excited like a boy who just hit puberty in the 11th grade—finally! Anyways…. I wish I had someone that would help me organize my thoughts, so my brain would decrescendo and crescendo as needed. I’m gonna go swim my one hundred twenty laps now and try to put this business erection away. I’m hiding it with my laptop currently —-and hope that when I get up, the Washington Hilton Pool Members don’t see it….because that my friends would be EMBARRASSING. www.cashpedicab is coming to a theater near you….  and by that I mean—I bought the site.

 

anyways….Here, I am a zeebra–and you see the emotions I go through when I think about business ideas….my business erections sometimes take the entire swim to get rid of, and by that time…I’m ready to go. Got my LLC, got my EIN, got my pedicabs in check, now I need to get advertising on site and on my butts. Google is coming, American Airlines, and US AIRWAYS is coming… so I am not sure this business erection is going to go AWAY!!!!! RATS!

TOP FIVE REASONS WHY PEDICABBERS ARE SUPER HEROES by Kendra Davis

This Blog was written by the best female pedicabber I ever met—Kendra Davis— I am so honored to have her part of my team!

1. We Lead

Are you a lost tourist? Have no fear. Your neighborhood pedicabber is here. We’ll lead you to the best spots in town, and you’ll have the most fun while getting there. We’ll also never lead you astray, or out of your way.

2. We Protect

Our pedicabs are not only more comfortable than your ex-boyfriend’s Cadaillac DeVille low rider, they’re protection bots, too. When you take that first step into our marvelous machines, we understand that you’re entrusting your life to us, and we take that VERY seriously. We don’t pop wheelies or side swipe cars (while there are passengers on board), but we will get very close to keep your adrenaline pumping.

3. We have thighs of steel—See picture below:

Am I right or am I right?!?!

4. We Look Good in Tights

See above picture, and these ones. Ballerinas ain’t got nuthin on us’.

5. We Save Lives

So this one time, I was about to head in for the night after being on the ‘cab for almost 8 hours, but this guy hollered at me and asked to pull up right next to him. He jumped in and requested a speedy trip to the Howard University Emergency Room up the road, ‘cause he had a clot in his leg that he thought was going to burst or something. True story. I don’t know what  would’ve happened if I hadn’t been there to rescue him that night, so, I basically saved his life. That’s how we do at Discover DC Tours.